a guy was always coming across the Mexican boarder on a bike with two sacks on the handlebars , they keep searching his sacks but found nothing over a year , one day the official on the boarder saw him in a taco joint and asked him we know you were deporting something , what was it , Jose answers.... >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> bikes
A woman an husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist , she says I want the tooth pulled and no pain killers cause we in a hurry , the dentist says you are a courageous woman , which tooth is it ? she says show him the tooth hun
Look who the usa ran for the WH
Last Edit: Dec 18, 2016 9:17:57 GMT -5 by Beachguy
A ninth grade and the students are talking about requirements to run for the wh , who is qualified bah bah bah natural born here bah bah , one boy stands up and says i protest this , my sister is not from a natural born she is from a c section A man ask the pharmacist if he has any way to get the hiccups to go away , the pharmacist pores a cold glass of ice water and throws it in the guys face , yikes the angrily man yells and the pharmacist says see they went away and the guy says but my wife is still in the car .
Last Edit: Dec 21, 2016 14:36:32 GMT -5 by Beachguy
When leaving the church service a 7 years old gives the preacher some money in his hand , the preacher says to Johnny why are you giving me this money ? , the kid says " my dad said you are the poorest preacher we ever had ""
A man escapes from his jail cell digging under the ground to freedom , he comes up in the middle of a preschool playground , he shouts and shouts . "" i'm free ....i'm free "", a little girl says ......"" big deal , so what ......I'm four ""
While stitching a cut on the hand of a 75 year old farmer, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Donald Trump and his role as the President. The old farmer said, " Well, as I see it, Donald Trump is like a 'Post Tortoise'.'' Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post tortoise' was. The old farmer said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a tortoise balanced on top, that's a post tortoise." The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain. "You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, he's elevated beyond his ability to function, and you just wonder what kind of dumb ass put him up there to begin with."
rickolsen: I just gave my cats some gravy dinner. They are gobbling it down. I have to go to Walmart soon and get them some more. Maybe I'll do it today. I can't run out. They like it too much. I don't want to disappoint them.
Sept 8, 2020 4:52:03 GMT -5
rickolsen: I got my cats more gravy dinner. I got more roast beef and pastrami for me and a loaf of bread. My diet is working well. I've lost about 45lbs. in the last year. My doctor says whatever I'm doing is working. I just cut out starch like potatoes.
Sept 8, 2020 11:38:10 GMT -5
rickolsen: I'm eating no bake cookies while I watch Super Bowl 42. There is no better taste combination than dark chocolate, oatmeal, and peanut butter. I really feel good today. No more dizzyness. I didn't look drunk walking into Walmart. I hate that.
Sept 8, 2020 13:23:46 GMT -5
rickolsen: Gas was only $1.87 today so I filled up my tank. Cost $7.75. I don't know why gas prices have dropped so much, but I won't complain. You have to get a break once in a while in life.
Sept 8, 2020 13:28:17 GMT -5
rickolsen: I just went to Walmart and got some cucumbers and green peppers. I think eating these things helps my diet. They are tasty and they have low calories. I'm eating green peppers now. I put salt on them. Salt makes everything taste better.
Sept 8, 2020 14:25:29 GMT -5
rickolsen: Phoenix is sleeping. Brandie and Sampson aren't sleeping yet. I took a long nap so I'll be up all night. I'm watching the 2007 divisional game between the Giants and the Cowboys. I might make a roast beef sandwich later. I'm not really hungry now.
Sept 8, 2020 22:13:11 GMT -5
rickolsen: Sampson is sleeping now. So is Brandie. I hate it when I know I should eat something and I'm just not hungry. I can't force myself to eat when I'm not hungry. Can you?
Sept 8, 2020 22:27:29 GMT -5
rickolsen: I ate a pastrami sandwich. I've never gotten pastrami and roast beef before last time, but I really like them. I'm a meat and potatoes man. I don't eat potatoes anymore because of starch, so I'm just a meat man. I could never be a vegetarian or a vegan.
Sept 8, 2020 22:42:11 GMT -5
rickolsen: I'm eating chips and salsa while I watch the divisional playoffs between the 2011 Giants vs Packers. The Giants win. I really like salsa.
Sept 8, 2020 23:40:41 GMT -5
rickolsen: I have to shut my window at night now. I don't want my furnace to kick on. My cats and I like to be warm though.
Sept 9, 2020 13:57:09 GMT -5
rickolsen: I just gave my cats some gravy dinner. It is seafood and they are gobbling it down. I feel really good today. I haven't felt dizzy for 2 days. I just ate 2 bowls of potato soup. I don't eat potatoes very often, but I like potato soup.
Sept 10, 2020 7:30:12 GMT -5
rickolsen: I just opened my livingroom window. Sampson is already in it. I have to close it at night now, but I open it during the day. My furnace hasn't kicked on yet. I don't want it to. I have covers at night now. Phoenix always sleeps with me. She likes covers.
Sept 10, 2020 7:34:11 GMT -5
rickolsen: After I gave my cats some gravy dinner they all went to sleep. They are sleeping now. I'm eating green peppers while I watch football. I really like green peppers. I put a little salt on them. Earlier I said salt makes everything taste better. It doesn't.
Sept 10, 2020 10:18:52 GMT -5
rickolsen: You wouldn't put salt on your chocolate pudding or chocolate cake. But salt does make most regular food like meat and veggies taste better.
Sept 10, 2020 10:20:08 GMT -5
rickolsen: My cats and I are well. Phoenix and Brandie are sleeping, but Sampson isn't. I just went to Walmart and got some more sandwich meat, roast beef and pastrami. I like to eat it without bread. I'm not supposed to eat bread.
Sept 11, 2020 16:48:36 GMT -5