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Post by bastet on Dec 1, 2019 20:22:48 GMT -5
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Post by bastet on Dec 2, 2019 20:48:25 GMT -5
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Post by bastet on Dec 6, 2019 11:22:59 GMT -5
Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his brother on the road...
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Post by bastet on Dec 9, 2019 14:06:23 GMT -5
"Ode To A Ketchup Bottle" Shake, shake, shake, De ketchup bottle, First none'll come out, Then a lot-'ill.
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Post by bastet on Dec 11, 2019 16:00:14 GMT -5
"My wife never had a problem with me sleeping in the nude until we took the red-eye to Paris!"
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Post by bastet on Dec 25, 2019 22:28:25 GMT -5
A man walks into a bar and is surprised to see a horse behind the counter serving drinks. The horse looks up and says, "Hey buddy, what's the problem? You've never see a horse bar tending before?" "No," the man says, "it's just that I never thought the parrot would sell the place."
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Post by bastet on Dec 28, 2019 22:00:04 GMT -5
"My wife says that I don’t listen to her... or I think that is what she says."
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Post by bastet on Jan 5, 2020 19:11:56 GMT -5
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Post by bastet on Jan 19, 2020 18:22:27 GMT -5
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Post by bastet on Feb 2, 2020 9:43:35 GMT -5
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Post by bastet on Feb 26, 2020 18:36:35 GMT -5
An Englishman, a Scot, and a Welshman happen upon a lamp. The Englishman rubs it and out comes the genie. "I will grant you each one wish," the genie bellows. The Englishman says, "My wish is to construct a 50-foot wall around England to keep out those nasty foreigners!" Poof! The wall goes up. The Scot says, "Make it 100 feet higher to make sure the Scots and Welsh are doubly safe from English treachery!" Poof! Another 100 feet are added to the wall. The Welshman thinks for a bit, then snaps his fingers, "Fill it with water!
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Post by bastet on Mar 12, 2020 0:08:55 GMT -5
A skunk, a deer and a duck went out to dinner at a restaurant one night. When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent. The deer didn't have a buck. So, they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Post by bastet on Mar 15, 2020 14:49:33 GMT -5
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Post by bastet on Apr 7, 2020 10:02:14 GMT -5
A British doctor says: "In Britain, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's liver, put it in another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for a job." The German doctor says: "That's nothing, in Germany we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for a job." The Russian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we took half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for a job." The American doctor laughs: "You are all behind us. A few years ago, we took a man with no brain, no heart, and no liver and made him President. Now, the whole country is looking for a job!"
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Post by bastet on Apr 16, 2020 0:37:21 GMT -5
It is a slow day in the small Saskatchewan town of Pumphandle, and streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody is living on credit. A tourist visiting the area drives through town, stops at the motel, and lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs to pick one for the night. As soon as he walks upstairs, the motel owner grabs the bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher. The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to retire his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill to his supplier, the Co-op. The guy at the Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her "services" on credit. The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel owner. The hotel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter so the traveler will not suspect anything. At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, picks up the $100 bill and leaves. No one produced anything. No one earned anything... However, the whole town is now out of debt and now looks to the future with a lot more optimism. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how a Stimulus package works.
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